Elimination Communication has begun!

Lola will be 18 months old on May 30th.  It's amazing how fast the time flies.  I feel like it was just yesterday that we were bringing the little peanut home from the hospital.  She is a lovely little girl who is very different from her siblings.

Her language development is primarily non-verbal at the moment.  She communicates using sign but does have a small bit of vocabulary built up.  She started walking at 9 months and grasps some concepts that are typical for a higher age group.

She has been showing signs of being ready to use the potty for a couple of weeks.  We weren't going to push her.  She would sit on the chair every time I was in the bathroom.  She would say "potty" and bring a fresh diaper when she had a wet diaper.

On Monday night, she was fussy at dinner.  She kept saying "potty." We decided to let her sit on the potty without a diaper.  And, she went!  We thought it might have been a fluke, but, she did again yesterday morning.

Now it's time to find some cute little training pants! I attribute her readiness to the cloth diapering.  She does not like the feeling of being wet at all.

I love having these milestones but it's bittersweet, too.  She is our last and I want to cherish each of these milestones.

Career Week and the Mini-Society Project

When I was in the 3rd grade, my biggest accomplishment was reading at a level far above the grade I was in.  It seems that the kids are learning things a lot earlier now.  Annika's class has been working on an Economics project for the last month.  She needed to develop a good or service that she could offer a consumer.  At first, she wanted to offer a service: nail painting.  She decided against that and chose to make picture frames, drawings and bookmarks.  I didn't want to interfere with her process, so I helped how I could.  I am proud of her for choosing something, putting the effort into making it and being brave enough to "sell" it.  That takes guts!

She had her first selling day at the beginning of May. It wasn't as successful as she wanted it to be; she came home almost in tears.  It broke my heart.  I know that it's all part of the learning process, but, I also know that she is a sensitive one.  The purpose of the first selling day was to get a "feel" for what having your own shop was like.  She was able to make any changes to improve on what she was doing.  She decided to focus on the bookmarks only and to have a partner.

She had her second selling day on May 18.  Parents were encouraged to come and participate.  Each family was given some "crazy cash" to shop with.  Crazy cash is the class currency.  We found some pet rocks, origami, play dough and Annika's bookmarks.  I really enjoyed participating because it gave me the opportunity to see all of the children's creative differences.  Annika reports that she made more "crazy cash" this time.  I'm so proud of her for doing this.  She's coming out of her shell!

This week was also Career Week at school.  Annika really wanted Travis to come and speak to her class. He did that on May 18 at 0840.  He talked about being a Signals Intelligence Analyst and had a phrase in morse code for the kids to translate.  Annika was so excited to have him there; she kept reminding him that he was to come in on Friday.  She's a worry-wart!

There are only four days of school left.  After Thursday the 24th, Annika will be a 4th grader! Oh my.  How time flies!

Living with the Mama guilt.

When I was pregnant with Annika, I was working full-time outside the home. I read every book I could about pregnancy.  I was determined to possess the ALL of the knowledge I needed for labor, delivery and parenthood.  I was going to be the PERFECT mom.  I would work full-time, take care of the house and keep it all together while maintaining my sanity.

That didn't happen.  Working full-time, taking care of the house and keeping it all together was difficult; maintaining my sanity was difficult.  I missed a few firsts because I wasn't there.  She shared those moments with my Mom and Dad.  If I had to miss those moments, I'm glad that she shared the moments with them.  In 2004, I quit my job and became a SAHM.  It was my dream come true.  I was determined to relish those moments.

Fast-forward eight years.  I'm a SAHM again and I'm trying to relish those moments with Lo.  This time I'm battling resentment, guilt and anger.  I can't explain why.  I don't know.  I read "Mama" blogs everyday.  It's not always the same one, but, it's at least one.  I'm so inspired and I feel guilt that I am not giving the same amount of care and attention to my own children.  I deal with the guilt of having more time with Lo at this age than I did with Annika.  I deal with the guilt of I know more now than I did then. I deal with the guilt of my relationship with my husband being stronger now than it was then.

I know that I'm not them and they're not me.  Comparing my life and my life story with theirs is like comparing apples to oranges.  I do the best that I can with what I have.  I can take pride in that.

I'm not Super Mom, but, my kids think I'm SUPER.  That's all that matters.

A weekend at Bellows.

We had the opportunity to spend part of a weekend out at Bellows AFB.  The water color is amazing; the view of the mountains is divine.  The cabins on the beach at Bellows are booked in advance.  As in, one year out, advance.  It's very hard to get a reservation.  You have to be sitting at your computer when the reservation date opens and you play the "reservation" war. The Mankins family was fortunate enough to get a reservation for Mother's Day weekend.  They offered to let us stay in the second room of the cabin.

We arrived on Saturday morning. The cabin was on the waterfront and had a straight line of sight to the beach.  We could sit at the picnic table and see the kids down in the sand by the water.  The kids played in the sand for quite awhile.  Amber joined in the fun too!

We spent of lot of time in/at the water.  We walked down to the area that divides the two sides of beaches. It's the perfect spot for the young ones to play.  The water is shallow and it's warm.  We caught (on camera) some crabs something themselves on the rocks.  And, a honu graced our presence.  

We roasted marshmallows over the grill.  We had yummy teriyaki burgers.  We had good fun, good food and good conversation.

We woke up to a beautiful sunrise.

It was a fun weekend.  I'm glad that we had the opportunity to stay out at Bellows.  It's my favorite beach on the island; my scope of beaches is fairly limited though. I love that it's windy and never TOO hot.  The color is pretty awesome too.  I can cross one more thing off of my Hawaii bucket list!

The non-traditional family

Today is Mother's Day.  I'm inspired to blog about being a Mom and being part of the "non-traditional" family.

I grew up in a family of seven.  I have three brothers and one sister.  My parents were married until the day that my dad died.  I remember feeling like this was not the "norm" back in the day.  I grew up with one goal in mind: college.  I wanted to have a degree; I wanted to have a career.  I believed that I would not get married until I was closer to thirty.  I did not picture myself as a mom.  It wasn't the dream that I had.  I didn't think that I had the "makings" of a mother.  I love my mother, but, I couldn't be her.  I didn't want that life.  It's not because I don't love children.  I do love children.  I just didn't want any of my own.

Life has a way of changing the direction of your journey.  I got married at twenty-two; I had a baby at twenty-five.  My life and feelings about parenthood changed instantly.  I didn't realize the impact that it would have on my life.  It was as if it was "meant to be." I was separated and divorced less than five years later.  It's not what I imagined for my life. I wouldn't change it though.

I met Travis in 2008 and now we've got the "non-traditional" family.  I love each one of my children as if I gave birth to them.  It's not biology that makes a parent; it's love, nurturing and compassion.

Today, and everyday, I'm blessed to call them my lovebugs.

The week in review.

Sunday: Mostly low-key day.  We had to get groceries, so, the afternoon was spent over at the PH Commissary.  Good times had by all.  HA!

Monday: Back to the grind. School. Work. Chores. Blah.

Tuesday: Same as Monday.

Wednesday: Audiogram at Tripler Army Medical Center.  I have some answers! Requested leave date for PCS approved.

Thursday: Lazy day.  I should have been doing more, but, I wasn't in the mood. Out-processing paperwork for Travis.

Friday: NCOA finally done for Travis! Date night! The Puka and The Avengers!

Now it's time to get ready for camping out at Bellows! Fun times.

I've been thinking.

The events of the last month have derailed me.  I was following the path set before me; I was following that path happily.  It's amazing how quickly that path can change.  It has changed.  I don't know what the future holds for me anymore.

Twelve years ago, I completed college at Bemidji State University.  I had a plan.  At the very least, I had the beginnings of a plan.  I'm not any closer to that plan than I was back then.

What have I been thinking about?  I've been thinking about going back to school.  I'm that nerd that loved school.  Loved learning.  Couldn't wait for more.  Am I crazy for thinking about going back to school?  I'm not doing anything with my previous degree.  My interests have changed.  I could do something good for our family by going back to school.

I'm at 80% with my decision.  I need to do this.  I just need to narrow it down to what I want to go to school for.