*tap tap* Is this thing on?

I shouldn't be surprised that it's been over a month since my last blog post.  I was mad at life.  Really mad at life.  I was determined to be miserably unhappy and wallow in my self-pity.  Clearly that approach wasn't successful.  I'm not that person who sees the glass as half empty.  I'm not.  Who was that alter-ego that controlled my thoughts and emotions over the past month? I don't know and I don't want to find out.  Good bye and good riddance.  Let's move forward.

Life is a blessing to be cherished.  I'm going to go with that.

What a difference one year makes.

Last year we were sitting in a house with no HHG, sleeping on air mattresses, watching Netflix on laptops and Nooks and eating on plasticware.  We had just moved to Texas from Hawaii.  It was a culture shock.  It was a temperature shock.  A year a later and we're almost back to that same position.

I'm scared.  I am downright terrified.  I can't put one coherent thought together.  I can't eat.  I want to sleep every moment of the day. Logically, I know that we'll get through this but this is a painful process.  I need a moment to think and I'm running out of moments.

What's the right thing to do? I don't know.  Mr. Lovebug and I will figure this out together though, right? That's what I keep telling myself.

The future.

I am afraid of the future.  No matter how much I've planned for the moment, it never seems to go the way that I planned it.  I am not ready for the reality of what it means. There are many changes ahead for our family.  I am afraid that I will not be able to navigate such a big change that happens so quickly after the last one.  The last change was a doozy and this change will be no different.

Fear.  Fear of moving ahead.  Fear of staying behind.  Fear of making the wrong decision.  Fear of making the right decision too quickly.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failing to move forward.  Fear of staying where I am, and stagnant.

I know that the faith of a mustard seed will move mountains.  Yes.  I know this.  Feeling my faith after my faith has been shattered is a healing process for me.

I must move on... To heal.  To grow.  Sometimes that means embracing the unknown and trusting in the plan.  This is going to be a bumpy ride!

Wordless Wednesday.

I did it. I created a recipe!

I love cooking. Yes.  It's true.  I wouldn't have admitted that four years ago.  I've certainly come far! That being said, I'm afraid to create my own recipes.  I like to find recipes and use that as a base for the food I'm going to make.  I've never been adventurous enough to go into the pantry/freezer to say "OH! I know exactly what I'd like to do with this!" Yesterday I took a leap of faith and trusted myself enough to try something completely different.

The result was... A success? I guess.  I mean, it was edible.  I'd definitely make it again. Of course I would tweak it a bit as per the suggestions of my lovebugs.  But, it's something.  And I am ever so proud of myself for doing it.  I don't know that I'll be doing it again any time soon, LOL.

That's my proud moment of the weekend.  It's just been a whirlwind of chores since the road trip and I'm thankful for a Monday to catch up on the chores that I neglected over the weekend.

Mini Road-Trip!

On Thursday, we made another whirlwind road trip to Dallas.  We left around 0900, making a stop at Shipley Do-Nuts for our road trip tradition: sausage and cheese kolaches and donuts! The kolaches were simply delicious and probably my favorite item at Shipley. We packed snacks and lunch foods so that we could save money along the way but we always budget in a stop at Shipley.  You've got to enjoy the fun little things; it puts a smile into our day.

Best kolaches EVAR!

After the fiasco of the June road trip to Dallas, we opted to use the Austin toll road to bypass I35 traffic in Austin.  This proved to be the best decision of the day.  It shaved off a small chunk of time but the stress level was at a minimum which made the extra miles and money worth it.  Admittedly there is not much to see along the toll road so finding some good road tunes is a must.

80s pop? Yes, please.

Nothing to see here... Except corn that is dry and brown.

The car shade is broken, so a makeshift fort will have to hide Lola from the sun.

Yummy watermelon for an after lunch snack. Perfect.

Skyfall? YES! My second favorite Bond theme!

We arrived in Dallas just after 1400 and we weren't going to be able to check into our hotel until 1500.  Hubby decided to talk to them to see if they would be willing to let us check in early because it was an extended stay place.  Not only did they let us check in early, they had to move us to a smaller room which we got for less than the original room would have cost us. We settled into the room and headed down to the pool for a quick swim before meeting some friends at The Tilted Kilt.  We came back to the room after a quick trip to Target for some necessities and attempted to get Lola to bed.  Not only were we trying to get her calmed down enough to sleep, we had to feed the three-week-old puppies that we are fostering.  It was not an easy feat but we accomplished it!

Road trips are exhausting.

Sisters. :) 

Friday morning I went to the airport alone so that the others could sleep.  I arrived early and had plenty of time to spare because the plane was slightly delayed due to weather.  A lovebug arrived and we headed back to the hotel to get the others and head back to SATX.  Mass mayhem! We loaded up and were on our way! Nodding heads and snores filled the first half of the trip.  We stopped for lunch and to feed the puppies.  We arrived home around 1700 and all were in bed before 2100.  What a whirlwind trip.  

So exhausted!

The weekend has been spent cleaning and doing laundry.  The week will bring room organizing.  It's nice to have my lovebug home.  I am so thankful of the time that she spends in MN.  It's so good for the two of them.

I'll be spending the week finalizing school and menu plans.  Yikes! Exciting times.

Move on. Letting go. Keep moving forward.

I'd like to say that when issues come up that are from my past, I let go of them easily.  It's not the same with certain issues from Mr. Lovebug's past.  It's nothing new.  I can't change it.  Why do I feel the need to remind him of his mistakes every time that it comes up?

Good advice that I like to share with my kiddos.  Why can't I extend that sentiment to myself? What happens today doesn't define me.  It's just a snapshot of a day in my life.  Put it in the book and leave it there.  MOVE ON.  Let it be a small reminder to keep moving forward.

Through my flaws, I find beauty.  I am who I was meant to be.  It flaw is so carefully stitched together.  I am a masterpiece.  There is nobody else quite like me.  

And, this.  It really is important to move on.  Let it go.  KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

All that has happened in my thirty-five years of life has made me the person that I am.  I am not perfect.  I get angry.  I get sad.  I say mean things out of frustration.  I can't let the past stop me from moving forward. Letting go and forgiving... easy to say yet hard to do.  May this be a constant, gentle reminder to KEEP MOVING FORWARD.