Joy in the journey.

I don't know why I'm feeling the "funk" lately.  Perhaps it's related to the phases of PCS.  This was explained to me on an internet forum that I am active in.

Here's how one Navy brat explained it:

Phase 1- the beginning, no friends and awkward outings. Feeling very left out like I won't find a place here.

Phase 2- finally fitting in! Feeling comfortable and running into people while out and chatting. Have usually found my "best friend" by now. I find one everywhere I move.

Phase 3- nearing our end of the tour. Getting moody and antsy and depressed at having to be ripped away from friends yet again. Ready to rip the band aid off and move already! Especially since I'm usually the last of the friend circle to move

There is a lot of truth to this.  Right now, I'm in the first phase.  We've been in San Antonio for three months.  I'm not entirely friendless, but, I don't have a close-knit group of girlfriends like I had in Hawaii.  I am feeling left out and like I don't have a place to belong.

This summer I was in the third phase and I'm not sure which was is worse.  Both phases cause feelings of angst.  What I had to realize that my feelings were okay to have but it is NOT okay to stay "stuck" in any one phase.  You've got to get out there and do something.  Make your own destiny.  You must choose to find the joy in your journey.  If you don't, you won't ever move forward.

Life lessons are hard.  Nobody said it would be easy.  They did say it would be worth it.

So.  Here I am.  Finding joy in the journey.

Time heals all wounds.

Does it? I mean, really? Does time really heal all wounds?  What about the wounds that are so deep that nobody knows that they are there except for you? I'd like to hold on to the hope that it does.  I've been hurt pretty badly in the last year plus.  By friends who were frenemies.  By friends who chose me as the scapegoat.

Today has been particularly difficult for me.  I'm feeling the hurt so strongly today. Follow the tracks of my tears.

Hurt. Pain. Sad. ANGRY. I have felt each of these emotions today. And strongly.

Faith, trust and pixie dust.

Life. One part faith, one part trust and one part pixie dust? Faith. Confidence or trust in a person or thing. My husband. My children. Belief that is not based on proof. Belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion. My faith. Not my religion.  FAITH.

Faith and trust coincide.  Why is that? Because you not have faith in a person or thing without trusting. The concept seems so complex, yet, it's really very simple.

Trust.  Trust in people to do the right thing.  Trust that the plan will work out accordingly.  Trust that there isn't always a set plan in motion but there is a purpose to everything.

Pixie dust.  It's the dust that makes Tinkerbell fly.  It's not easy to see, but, she knows that it's there. Isn't that how we experience our lives? We don't always see what propels us but we know that it's there.

My faith has been lacking lately.  It might even be gone.  I am lost.  I am angry.  I am bitter.  And, I've let myself become jaded.

Where is the faith, trust and pixie dust? I've got to find it.  I've got to bring it back into my life.  Life loses direction when faith isn't there.

This is a journey.  A journey to me.