When I was pregnant with Annika, I was working full-time outside the home. I read every book I could about pregnancy. I was determined to possess the ALL of the knowledge I needed for labor, delivery and parenthood. I was going to be the PERFECT mom. I would work full-time, take care of the house and keep it all together while maintaining my sanity.
That didn't happen. Working full-time, taking care of the house and keeping it all together was difficult; maintaining my sanity was difficult. I missed a few firsts because I wasn't there. She shared those moments with my Mom and Dad. If I had to miss those moments, I'm glad that she shared the moments with them. In 2004, I quit my job and became a SAHM. It was my dream come true. I was determined to relish those moments.
Fast-forward eight years. I'm a SAHM again and I'm trying to relish those moments with Lo. This time I'm battling resentment, guilt and anger. I can't explain why. I don't know. I read "Mama" blogs everyday. It's not always the same one, but, it's at least one. I'm so inspired and I feel guilt that I am not giving the same amount of care and attention to my own children. I deal with the guilt of having more time with Lo at this age than I did with Annika. I deal with the guilt of I know more now than I did then. I deal with the guilt of my relationship with my husband being stronger now than it was then.
I know that I'm not them and they're not me. Comparing my life and my life story with theirs is like comparing apples to oranges. I do the best that I can with what I have. I can take pride in that.
I'm not Super Mom, but, my kids think I'm SUPER. That's all that matters.
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