As I sit here with my coffee with Peppermint Mocha creamer, dog snuggled on my lap, Christmas lights all aglow and my youngest lovebug drawing anime, I reminisce about the year that 2020 has been. What a year. I know. So many people are saying the same thing. This isn't new, and I have no true insight that's going to be magical for others; however, I do have a different perspective for myself. That means everything to me in this moment.
If you had asked me in March what my biggest struggle was, I would have told you "making it through Demonstration Teaching in one piece" because that was my biggest struggle. It's not so much that it was "hard" but it was time-consuming. I loved it! It is the greatest experience of my WGU scholastic career. Amazing host teacher and amazing third-graders. It pretty much became clear that third grade is where I wanted to be. On March 6, 2020 I taught my last lesson of my Teacher Work Sample unit: Area and Perimeter. We did some fun things because it was the Friday before Spring Break and we were all ready to have a break! January and February are long months with very few breaks. In the world of education, a lot of data happens during those months. It can be exhausting. I said good bye to my students, wishing them a great Spring Break, thinking I'd see them in the classroom on March 16.
My mama arrived on the afternoon of March 6 and we were so ready to have her! We had been anticipating her visit for weeks!
Spring Break started with a competition on March 7. Winter Guard performed their "No Strings" show and received a fourth place finish. We came back from that competition ready to do what it took to improve and make it to State again as we did in 2019. Plans were made to chill and rest for Spring Break. Hubby went to visit his mom in New Mexico to take care of some things. Life was pretty good, all things considered. None of us had any idea of what was coming. Spring Break was extended a week. What a bonus! We still didn't have any idea of what was coming. We knew it was called Covid-19. We knew it was highly contagious. Beyond that, we knew nothing. School went virtual.
Life moved forward but I could not. I focused what energy I had on completing my DT and preparing for graduation and licensure. I did everything that I could to make my daughter's seventeenth birthday memorable. I could not escape the fear of the virus. There was a lull, we all got complacent. Took a trip to see family. Yet, I wasn't fully embracing life and the process of moving forward. I kept telling myself, it's okay to feel this way. Reminding myself that this was new, and it was okay to process it however I needed to because we'd never experienced something of this proportion in my lifetime (that I remember at least).
Those are the lies that I told myself to get through. That I just needed a reset and then everything would be fine again. I just needed to change perspective and appreciate the good things that I have in my life. Pandemic fatigue is real. Disillusionment with the American political system is real. Don't just tell yourself that you need to suck it up. Don't tell yourself it's weak to feel afraid and overwhelmed. We are in unprecedented times. There isn't another way to explain it.
How has my perspective changed? I went through something life-altering in November. I got sick. And it was scary. And I still feel it. But, now I have an experience to share and I don't think that I could have gotten through it without my faith. I have a renewed sense of hope. I believe that we will get through but I will never again tell somebody "suck it up" and that "everything is gonna be okay." I think we all know that but we need to be able to feel what we feel in that moment. And that's okay.
